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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25043593">It is difficult to find shelter</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaos_is_welcome/pseuds/chaos_is_welcome'>chaos_is_welcome</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Last Kingdom (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Character Study, Friendship, Gen, Introspection, Slavery, TLKFFF2020, Trust</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:55:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,806</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25043593</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaos_is_welcome/pseuds/chaos_is_welcome</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Finan despises winter.  He pulls the hood of his woolen cloak over his head and tries to bury himself deeper into it and his furs. Winter brings a chill to his bone, and chills to his bone reminds him of his time in chains. </p><p>Coccham squad... For TLKFFF2020.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Finan &amp; Sihtric (The Last Kingdom), Finan &amp; Uhtred of Bebbanburg, Sihtric &amp; Uhtred of Bebbanburg</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>The Last Kingdom Fanfic Fest</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>It is difficult to find shelter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>For the TLKFFF prompt: "Keen is the wind, bare the hill, it is difficult to find shelter; the ford is marred, the lake freezes, a man could stand on a single stalk." - from a Welsh poem, 'Winter', c.11th century, author unknown<br/>And also inspired by Finan and his hood in season 3.  He looks damn sexy with his hood pulled up.<br/>Title is obviously from the poem.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Finan despises winter.  He pulls the hood of his woolen cloak over his head and tries to bury himself deeper into it and his furs. Winter brings a chill to his bone, and chills to his bone reminds him of his time in chains.  </p><p>He still remembers his first winter with Sverri as if it was yesterday.  He had never truly understood the meaning of cold until that first winter storm as they rowed on Nordse.  The storm had caught Sverri by surprise, and he whipped them, screaming for them to bail and pull as their teeth chattered.  Finan remembers McIntosh, the the young Irish lad who had come onboard the ship when Finan had, crying for mercy and his mother.  Finan had tried to calm him in their mother tounge, but it did little good.  When a huge wave of frigid water washed over them, McIntosh stood on his bench and screamed and screamed. Finan lowered his head, knowing there was no hope for the boy and fucking hating himself for not trying.  Sverri silenced him with his sword, and rather than deal with keys and freeing him from the chains as the deck heaved, he left him there.  The boy's dark, dead eyes stared at Finan as he rowed, as he baled, as his teeth chattered.  As they pulled through the storm and the night, even when there was only darkness, Finan could make out the boy's head as it lolled from side to side as the ship heaved in the seas.  The wind did not slack, and there was no mercy to be found--not from the sea, not from Sverri.  There was only the cold, the surge of the sea, the biting wind and the bite of the whip.</p><p>They survived the storm and Sverri eventually relieved McIntosh of his chains and threw him overboard.  His skin, having been mostly submerged for the better part of a day, was sloughing off, icicles hanging from him.  Finan vomited between his feet as the boy splashed into the sea. </p><p>They landed in Iceland, and cold was redefined as Finan huddled in a shed with the pigs and the other slaves, his teeth chattering.   They huddled together for warmth, the most senior of the men on the inside.  Finan was new, and so was on the outside. Each morning his back would feel as ice, and his front would feel barely better.  He tried to make conversation with the other men, but their dead eyes stared back at him blankly, and he gave up.  One day, as they woke, the man on his right did not, for he had frozen to death in his sleep. Finan did not know his name, and when he asked the others, they simply stared at him. Finan did not understand until later that hope had died for those men long ago.  They probably envied the poor bastard, dying peacefully in his sleep instead of continuing through their miserable existance.</p><p>They walked in the woods and felled trees until the weight of the axe pulled them over.  There was never fire, never true warmth.  A man lost an ear to frostbite, another a toe, and Finan was thankful he was a hairy man, for it kept him at least a little protected from the cold.  He would dream of the warmth of a woman, the warmth of a fire, a full belly.</p><p>The winter wore on, and he stopped dreaming of those things.  He started to dream of dying in his sleep, of finding a way to end his life, of choking Sverri and his fat, awful wife with his chains.  He stopped speaking. He stopped hoping, and  that was only the first winter.  There was no shelter from the cold, or shelter for his soul.  He was nothing.</p><p>He survived three winters, in all, before Ragnar Ragnarson ordered them free. One of those was better because it was with Uhtred, and Uhtred did not surrender as the rest of them had. Then, finally, even though it was spring, Finan felt fire warm him once again, and he cursed the cold as he examined the deep gouges in his wrists and ankles from his manacles. </p><p>The winters in Coccham that followed their liberation were winters of peace. Finan still despised the winter, but there was always fire, always extra furs and Finan was perfectly happy to stay close to the burh as the snow fell. There is shelter, and I'd the wind blows he simply steps inside.  He helped Uhtred fortify Coccham despite the cold, because there was always a fire waiting for him when he was done.  He would watch ice float by on the Thames, and then go inside the hall.  There he would fill his belly and watch Uhtred smile and laugh with Gisela, and it would give him hope. Uhtred, at least, could be happy, and that gave him hope that perhaps something more, something worthwhile laid ahead for him.</p><p>And then it all came tumbling down.  First came the seer Skade, and Finan found himself burrowing into his cloak as Skade howled from her cell for her man, Bloodhair.  Finan could not be certain if the chill he felt was the coming winter, or the dark magic that surrounded the woman who had cursed his Lord.</p><p>Suddenly, Gisela was dead and his Lord found himself exiled to Winchester. The ride North with Skade in tow and Finan wishes for the heat of the fire in Coccham's harth.  Uhtred has not only lost his happiness, but his health fades before Finan's eyes. Finan finds he can not warm himself enough as Uhtred fades. He feels the cold fingers of fear grip his heart.  </p><p>Finan is not sure he knows who he is without Uhtred to serve. His life before Sverri's ship is lost to him. He has no title, no lands, no family worth a damn. There is nothing for him in Ireland. Everything in Finan's life is because of his Lord.  If Uhtred dies, what becomes of him, or Sihtric and Osferth for that matter?  They are men with no roots beyond serving Lord Uhtred.  Finan leans closer to the fire, trying to ease the chill that may or may not have anything to do with the weather.</p><p>Uhtred lives, but things do not improve.  They find Ragnar, and then Aethelwold, the little pissant, rides in with Haeston and Bloodhair, and suddenly there is talk of riding against Alfred. Finan's stomach turns as he shushes Osferth's objections.<br/>
When he goes to his room, he actually doesn't light the fire.  Finan hopes the cold will remind him that he has survived worse, and perhaps jar his mind to come up with a way to convince Uhtred that this is madness.</p><p>**<br/>
Finan pulls his hood over his head as they leave Dunholm.  He's never been so relieved to leave the walls of a place, despite the snow that has begun to fall.  It's a fucking miracle that Uhtred has decided to leave Ragnar, his brother, and go to Aethelflaed's aid.  Osferth and Sihtric, too, he knows are relieved.  He'll take freezing his ass off on horseback over being a part of something that feels so wrong, winter be damned.</p><p>Except as usual, it costs Uhtred more than is fair.  In the fresh snow outside Droitwich, Brida delivers the news that Ragnar is dead.  Finan feels a sink in his gut, and he is certain Uhtred is thinking the same thing that Finan is--if Uhtred had stayed, Ragnar would still be alive.  It is Finan who first told Uhtred that he had to turn his back on Ragnar, and Finan now feels the weight of that choice as he watches tears role down his Lord's cheeks. But Uhtred looks at him with pain filled eyes and blames Skade.  Finan argues it's just life, but he doesn't try very hard. It's far better that Uhtred blame Skade, rather than himself.</p><p>Sitting in the hall with Sihtric and Osferth, Finan finds he can not get warm.  Winter is in his bones.  Yet Uhtred has still not lost enough, for Sihtric turns his back on them all.  Finan can't believe it...there are so few things in life that are certain, but he would have sworn that Sihtric's devotion to his Lord was one of them. "I will follow you anywhere," those had been Sihtric's words to Uhtred in Dunholm.  Yet the Dane, whom he considered a friend, had ridden off and freed the enemy as he went.</p><p>"I think it must be a part of their religion, of paganism," Osferth rambles as Finan considers his ale.  "Sihtric was suspicious of Skade from the start."</p><p>"We all were Osferth," Finan says, not in the mood for excuses. Sihtric had betrayed their Lord, simple as that.</p><p>"Let's not forget that Sihtric has a family," Osferth reminds Finan. "A wife and a son that he left without a second glance. Perhaps he fears for them and that is what took him away."</p><p>Finan wishes he had his cloak on so he could pull up his hood and block out the madness.  He has known betrayal. His brother was responsible for selling him to Sverri after all.  He had thought he had left that behind him. He had thought himself a good judge of character, and he had been certain of Sihtric.  He watches Osferth frown into his cup, and finds he is thinking too much of his time before, his time in Ireland.  He had never imagined what was coming for him, because he was foolish. Has he been foolish again? Has Uhtred?  </p><p>Uhtred returns and takes Sihtric's departure in stride, but Finan can not let it out of his mind.  He feels as brittle as icy stalks in the dead of winter. Rigid and unbending, until they shatter.  Finan pulls on his cloak and pulls up his hood as he volunteers for an extra watch. It's not like sleep will come anyway.</p><p>**<br/>
Sihtric embraces Uhtred, and Finan understands he has been fooled, but not in the way he thought. He exhales, and feels the cold fingers gripping his heart loosen and thaw.  He has not misjudged Sihtric.  He is not stuck in a loop of betrayal, a loop of never-ending winter.  Osferth grins at him, and Finan realizes that shelter comes in many forms.  Sometimes it is walls that will keep you from the cold.  Sometimes it is the people that you know you can count on.  Uhtred had been the first sign of shelter for Finan, and as they stood in the woods outside the Danish camp, Finan considers that Uhtred has brought them together, but they are all bound now.  Shelter from the coldest winter, they will weather whatever storm comes there way. Finan expects there will be many.</p><p> </p><p>**</p>
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